Monday, April 23, 2007

So, because of the beautiful day, I invested in some OPI to paint my nails. Now there is a widely held belief that if you buy more expensive nail polish, your manicure will turn out better. Therefore, to hide my hideous inability to paint my right hand, I was willing to give this theory a try. So I took a trip to the store and chose "My Chihuahua Bites," and was on my way (See previous post, seriously).

I am here to inform you that it is all a myth.

And I have the mottled, disfigured orange-pink nails to prove it.

thee end.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

So I got rear ended the other night. It sucked, but something life changing occured as a result of the fated accident.

So yesterday I went to the police station and picked up the police report. It's so intense! Seriously, like there are dozens of little codes that symbolized the weather conditions, the position of the cars and the overall damage. It really got me thinking, wouldn't it be great to have a job where all you did was make up little codes and complete drawings of accidents? Seriously.

But then I REALLY got thinking and compiled a list of the greatest jobs known to man kind that entail doing random and creative things like:
1. Designing fancy shampoo and water bottles. They are always so cool and unique and get to feature the fancy snap open top thingys (the technical term).
2. Naming paint colors, nail polish, crayons, ice cream flavors, technical gadgets, volkswagen cars and lipstick.
3. Inventing new staplers. Google staplers and your mind will be blown. There are so many ridiculous ones, but my personal favorite? The staple free stapler.
4. Dropping off phone books at people's houses. You could just ride around all day, blasting music and walking around throwing books onto steps. Also, if their pets were particularly yappy, aim it at them and feign ignorance when the poodle collapses from a concussion a la 651/612.
5. Zambonie driver. Why? Well let me tell you. You'd be the center of attention for 10 minutes, twice a game. Whenever there was a featured person, for example, an ice princess or the mayor, they would ride next to you and wave like they were on a parade float. You get to look all bad ass, especially when you pump the water. When it's after hours you could whip shitties on the ice. Finally and most importantly, the Gear Daddies would have a song made just for you.

My future has been busted open with the prospect of an awesome job.

thee end.

Monday, February 19, 2007

So my dad is on a conference call right now and the woman he's speaking with sounds exactly like Jan from the Office.

I wonder if Cisco orders paper and other products from Dunder Mifflin.

thee end.

Friday, December 22, 2006

This afternoon, while Christmas shopping with Tony, we decided to go to Target. I was looking scrubby in a sweatshirt in jeans just trying to get my errands done. On my way to the frame section there this was man in the aisle, clearly bored while shopping with his wife. As I walked past him, his eyes lit up and he whispered, "Go big blue!" He seemed so excited, temporarily relieved of his holiday husbandly duties. As a result of his extreme happiness I smiled and nodded back all the meanwhile thinking, "WTF. Where have I heard that before?" And then I remembered I was wearing my Michigan sweatshirt. Humored at the idea I wondered if the man thought I was a fan or if I attended UMich feeling some comradery on this dreary Friday. But at that thought I became deeply saddened and guilty. I suddenly remembered that the only reason I bought the sweatshirt is because navy blue and yellow are my favorite colors and it was on sale.

Yay institutions that share my affinity for all colors amazing.

thee end.

Monday, December 18, 2006

"Your mom showed me her affirmative and I told her it wasn't inherent."

thee end

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

When completing incredibly astute research about heteronormativity and AIDS, I glanced toward the margin of google. Among the slew of ads, this one stuck out in particular:

Girls Want Banged
Find Female Partners to Bang Today
Browse Thousands of Local Adult Ads

I know after seeing that debate was no longer in the front of my academic thoughts. Nope, instead all that was present in my mind was girls somewhere, in far off places who want 'banged' so bad.

Poor, poor girls.

thee end.

Friday, June 02, 2006

"It is our unalienable right to enrich uranium."
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, current President of Iran